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It's been years, since 1991,  I am involved with Kids Activities & Kids Journalism. All these twenty years, it sure has been labor of love that came naturally with evaluating my own parenting and teaching techniques with kids. I ain't a Psychologist nor a child counsellor but remaining in constant touch with kids, parents and teachers and having done a thorough research for writing Parental Feedback Articles, I realize my Teaching Techniques and Parental counselling has changed lives of many a kids pulling them out of their withdrawal problems like stammering, fear, anxiety, anger, shame, guilt, selfishness, attitude & behavior patterns, ego, inferiority complexes, attention deficit probs, hyper active, memory loss, etc. It so happens that our own actions can be a reflection of our own self esteem. Nurturing children is, perhaps, an excercise in perfecting our own nature. At times, one feels a failure when one aims for perfection and we discover much about ourselves as we help our children learn the attitudes and develop the skills to surmount the daily challenges of life. The nagging, negative parental attitudes we often see can be stifling and stunting instead, we can opt for opportunities to be a wonderful parent ourselves. Nothing is perfect in this world, neither children nor parents-not even love itself. But we can always strive to improve. Robert Browning once said "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?" We keep on growing emotionally as we learn to understand our own children-and it's struggle at times. Yet while our imperfections and theirs may never fully disappear, like a pebble dropped into a pond whose ripples widen and widen, so the strength and warmth of our love will reflect on their lives as well as on the lives of others.

All one need to make a big Resolution is to eliminate the word 'Impossible' which is a failure word. "Wont work", "Can't be done", "It's useless", "It's stupid" and such thoughts should never let a person shrugg off helplessness but instead "I-can-do-better" attitude makes a big difference in our own lives and in helping our kids too cope up with their weaknesses.

I hope my answers would ease the troubled minds and would fill your life with warmth and happiness. I make efforts to reply quick but if I fail to be prompt, please excuse. If you have a say, wish to debate or want to ask a question or two, please feel free to write to me - I am open for bouquets or brickbats, please:-) Afterall, we all learn through our very own experiences and these very experiences in life make us a better person and better moms too;-)

ilaxi - Editor (kidsfreesouls)

From: Sarah Cavazos

Dear ilaxi,

My 7 year old just participated his school's field day and didn't fare too well - but he sure tried. Hence, he went and kicked the school building and threw away his participating ribbons and moped around for the rest of the day. How do I sympathetically but firmly approach this?

-Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Competitions do not mean winning or standing first or in order. It gives opportunity to experience and find way out from losing to winning edge. Let the kid learn from experience so as not to let this frustration flick back again. ‘Everyone likes to win but most of, its good you are enjoying and having fun’ should be the attitude that keeps the child hooked to the Sport. Participating in the School field day itself helps to build confidence but if luck do not favour or for some reason, the child fails, his willingness to accept defeat is on back seat. Why me? Why I lost? And this frustration plays the role of your child's mental process. Feelings of hopelessness and guilt has taken roots within his brain cells and he seems to be hurt to extent that makes him fling things, be destructive, have a sense of withdrawal from people and hve unreasonable fears or phobias that he is a failure and cannot accept defeat under any circumstances.

In such situations, I feel that a parental / teacher's attitude towards the child can pull him out of his hurt feelings and face defeat in a positive manner:

Parental calm and positive influence play a major role. Kids need to be treated with respect and love, with no ridiculing, sarcastic remarks or let downs. Expectations may be towards winning way but sports should be ‘sharp one’ Attitude with lots of entertainment and humor. Show him the love and say soothing words "Yeah, sure you tried your best but anyways, there's always another chance. All cannot win, afterall"

Talking Therapy works wonders. Divert the mind from game play and indulge in interesting talks or stories. The child memory is too short lived and his resentment can be turned into a lively kid by talking to him about all he likes and is interested in.

Check the mood blues by adding in creativity. The inflated self esteem needs to be worn back again. The higher children's self esteem, the better able they are to cope with the ups and downs of life. The more self esteem the child develops, the more secure they are in confronting obstacles, fears and defeats. Kids with low self esteem see problems as grounds for quitting and often say "I quit or I give up" and flair. Instead of comparing their achievements with their own goals and potential, they compare themselves with others and get frustrated.

Let the kid develop sense of being optimistic. There is always another day to win instead of feeling 'I Lost' Give your own example and recollect your own childhood days. Narrate a few of your ups n downs, twists n turns and talk to the kid, how you faced odd situations and embarrassments.

Failure is never final, success is never ending - Build Sports spirit in the child and teach him the first steps to face challenges in life. Defeat is only a challenge. Talk to the kid to build a positive sense of identity. Who I am? Why I failed? Is my attitude okay? And the realisation comes through when the child is helped to understand ownself, own weak points. He should be disciplined to know and act what is right - what is wrong behaviour. This self realisation makes the kid a well balanced mind and disciplined in his behaviour during times of his frustration.

Make the child more tolerant. The kids who learn to cope with bad times and its this time when values of tolerance is more necessary for them to divert their minds to shrug off the hatred from the heart.An emotional trauma needs much more care than a broken bone. Talk to the kid with love and care. Treat him nice instead of being angry or saying harsh words. Words break the heart more, so let not the parental anxiety/anxiousness add fuel to fire and keep the cool, calm n composed self to turn the situation normal. Time heals.

Some kids tend to be aggressive and always be the winner. It is during these times Sports Spirits instill the faith, courage, loyalty, tolerance, brotherhood, all natural virtues which prepare to support in difficult situations without weaknesses. Anger, frustration, self pity, all the so called negative emotions generaly have a bad effect on performances, afterall.

- ilaxi,
Editor, kidsfreesouls

( Suggested Reading : Honing skills - Whiff of sports)

Coming Next......

Sir,

i have son who is 10 year old.He is really intelligent, pick up things very fast but very very lazy in doing things. He is taking exams carelessly,leaving the known answers also incomplete or inattentive.As a result even if the questions are so easy he will get very poor marks,and he does not seem to be bothered at all.we tried everything possible to make him understand the seriousness of studies in this competitive world but in vain.It is nearly impossible to make him learn anything.but sometimes if he sitshe will finish learning amazingly.same in the case of handwriting .he can write so well, that any of his classmates cant,but he will do very shabby work in his notbook.Please advise me what should i do to make him understand the seriosness.I would be really thankful if you could reply soon.

- priya
mammens@vsnl.com

Dear Mam,

Please send me tips for memory

singhania_gautam2003@yahoo.com; hariharvijaved@indiatimes.com; baluboy4u@yahoo.com

Answers for the above two topics will appear shortly. Meanwhile, please refer Parental Feedback Articles for Child Development & Memory Power. 

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