Ever wonder about the attitude of children? You come closer to the answer “Why my child acts the way I don’t like’.
Many parents or teachers are helpless with children when spanking is the last resort they take to treat them right. No way, Spanking children is good for them as they turn more rude and naughty with their behavior patterns.
So, what to do? Allow the child to act the way he wants or set control. Why does he act this way? Just ask a few simple questions and you know your answer.
For now, here’s the Syndicated Author Blog post of mine appearing on book page of Amazon.com. You can read for the tips and check in for the book chapters on Spanking, Sibling Rivalry and other articles that thoughtfully discuss on Parenting. Read ‘Inside the Book’ features for a chapter to read and make your choice.
Here’s the new post on the Blog, Guardian of Angels – Syndicated Blog , for quick read which appear on the Book Page too.
– ilaxi patel
A few days ago, the Swagat Children Library kids got into a Debate class. The topic was “Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child” OR “Pick up the Ruler, Improve the Child” with an option of Yes/No. Aashini & Aayushi opted for ‘Yes’ and they were of the opinion that in certain cases, parents should adopt the Spanking way but also provided their suggestions on how to spank! Shaimi & Gucci believed in sparing the child but strictly ‘No Spanking’. Parav and other kids opined their views here and there with sometimes a confusedly Yes and sometimes tilting towards the No spanking theory.
Well, What do you think? Do you have a choice of Yes or No? If yes, why do you think the child should be punished with spanking. If no, why not? Provide your logical reasons. Here are some points which Ashini & Ayushi has provided for selecting ‘Spare the Rod, spoil the child’ and the argumentative points of Shaimi & Gucci as to why strictly ‘No Spanking’.
Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child – Pick the Ruler, Improve the Child
Yes by Ashini & Ayushi:
**In case of minor mistake, we should not be punished but scolded but if we make some major mistake and our behavior is very bad, spanking is necessary.
**If we commit a mistake, our parents make us understand and realize our faults. Yet, if we don’t listen and repeat the mistake, take them for granted than Spanking is necessary. When we grow up, we are going to remember why we were spanked and because of it, we become good adults and instill good values in our kids too.
** If parents forgive children when they commit a mistake and let go them without any word of advice, children will get spoilt. If they advice them but the kids take it lightly and repeat their mistake again and again, parents should adopt the spanking method but at the same time use strict discipline methods too.
No by Shaimi & Gucci:
** There are many ways to improve the child – punishing, grounding, cutting privileges, etc. but ‘No Spanking’
** Talk calmly to the child and make the child understand and improve his/her behavior.
** Some parents get so angry when they spank and hit so badly that requires medical treatment. So avoid Anger and don’t get frustrated but calmly tackle the situation
** Let the child experience and realize their own mistakes. They need guidance but not spanking.
** Parents should use Tact. Not Spank but be little harsh and make the child know that discipline is all that matters.
I await your emails on this issue. E-mail Here.
– ilaxi patel
Editor Online, kidsfreesouls.com
It’s been an old saying ‘Spare the Rod, Spoil the child’ with the new Gen kids! I would say ‘No Spanking’ – no Authorative nor permissive parenting but Love and understanding rules! Playing pranks and making mischief, as a child is really tons of fun but every kid needs a code of conduct – a Discipline to adopt behavior patterns and possess self-control. Children need to be taught to pause and think of the consequences that may result from their various behavior patterns. It is critical for educators to model self-discipline. Younger children tend to throw tantrums, be rigid, stubborn, have sibling rivalry, be possessive, etc and these are the trial times for the parent to tackle firm where situations demand disciplinary action. Instead of spanking, it is effective to provide measures to cope up in situations when its hard to draw the line with their loving kids. Verbal spanking is an option to spank the kid. Words said in loving way, clear and firm voice would have its effect than abusing word war. By controlling own words and actions, parents demonstrate to their kids, a healthy way to react to stress.
Researchers have discovered that children who are spanked before the age of 2 are more likely to have behavioral problems years later when they enter grade school. Some parents rarely considered a child’s feeling and prone to be more authoritative in their attitude towards their child. Conservative parents are possessive as to their demands and form a suspicious nature as to the conduct of the child. if the child came home five minutes late from school or from an activity, she is punished. Yelling and hitting become adopted form of punishment. They demonstrate lack of empathy and compassion for her feelings and desires. When such kids grow up, they retain this experience for a lifetime and would not want their kids to face such a similar treatment. They tend to be good mothers giving much attention and affection to their kids. In turn, this permissive parenting make the kids feel more important than others. Neither Authoritarian nor permissive parents instill a positive approach.
Hence, loving parents demonstrate more values and are considerate in their disciplined upbringing. They do not control their kids nor allow the kids to take control over their feelings. They do not violate their kids by spanking – hitting them physically or abusing them with harsh words. Instead, they set limits to unacceptable behavior.
There are three types of punishment to be thought of:
- Power assertion : An example of which is described as the old saw ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child’ In this, the parent rely on superior power whether it is physical or financial, to force a child to behave in certain way. This power assertion almost invariably fails in producing a self-disciplined child since the child has less motivation to develop his or her own standards of behavior.
- Love withdrawal: Some parents threaten to withdraw love and withhold love. This is love withdrawal. If the parent is loving and affectionate, this form of love withdrawal implicates the reasons on why the child behavior was wrong.
- Induction: A child should be brought up in a way of wavelength meets. This requires understanding what the parents explain why a certain type of behavior might harm the child or others. As no threats are involved, the child usually begins to internalize the parents’ values, the first step in developing self-discipline.
It is important that fairness and consistency are administered in disciplining children. Action and consequences need to be defined. A child easily gets confused if he is punished for some behavior one week, ignored the next and rewarded the week after that. It is abusive parents who vent their own frustrations with life and take it personally when a child misbehaves. They feel they must administer severe punishment to help their child ‘straighten up.’ Many such parents have impossibly high expectations for their children and interpret a child’s ‘cannot’ as ‘will not’. It is important to note, each child need the vital ingredients of self esteem:
- Physical safety-freedom from physical harm.
- Emotional security-no pressure and fear
- Affiliation-sense of belonging and being wanted
- Purpose-feeling of some meaning in life and looking for direction
Problems need to be defined so as to avoid spanking. They can be ranging from School and learning problems, behavior problems or social problems. It is the role of a parent to make the children feel physically safe. If they have a feeling of safety, they would learn to be open and trust others. They will maintain an eye contact and display confidence.
Most likely there are few parents who haven’t at one time or other given their child a swift smack or whack or so. Some might feel their corporal punishment ‘will teach him to mind and behave’ – It is heart rendering feeling to see when parents, nurse-maids and housekeepers in parks, playgrounds, supermarkets, most anywhere – push, pull, shake, slap and spank even the tiniest kid. At the crossroad traffic signal, I had noticed a mother who was on the driving seat, punching her kid who was whining out of some want. This mother lost her temper and hit a passing vehicle as the traffic signal gave way. Spanking can deeply wound a child’s pride. It is a violation of his integrity, rights and personal dignity. The wound to the child occurs even when no physical pain results because the physical assault violates the boundaries of control and physical separateness. Deep in the memory of every parent are the feelings that have attended his own childhood spankings, the feelings of humiliation, helplessness, of submission though fear. For these reasons with more, most parents have misgivings, guilt and remorse after having struck their child.
The common misconception about Spanking is ‘negligence’. A child who was playing in the restaurant slid off to the pavement outside, unnoticed by the parents who were busy talking and failed to see him go. In panic, the mother grabbed the child and began to beat the daylights out of him while the innocent child was bewildered and shocked who screamed in wild terror and misery. We can sympathize with the child’s parents who got upset and no doubt, must be guilty realizing they should keep a closer watch on their child. A yank at this age is better than spank but much more, careful attention is required so that the child does not leave un-noticed. Spanking may relieve the anger of a parent but it does not teach constructive human relationship steps and what discipline is all about. A parent cannot teach a child to respect him with spanking. Spanking can throw a wrench into a growing relationship and block off the flow of open and honest communication that develop between parents and child. A sensitive young child may become so fearful and distrustful of his parents that he withdraws his wish to confide in them over the years. He will learn to evade, tell tell-tales and deliberately lie to escape from such physical blows. Parental patience fade and this is a parental defeat and failure. The irritation, frustration and stress over the childhood pranks of undesirable behavior is a nerve on the neck but it is the Discipline – something that you do for and with the child, not to him.
Some tips to Discipline kids so as to Stop Spanking:
- Set limits: Be firm, reasonable and consistent in enforcing limits and rules. Avoid Spanking and harsh abusive words.
- Make the kids responsible and organized: Assign chores and give them simple work that emphasize their responsibility. This makes them understand that you respect them and you value their help.
- Loving and caring Parenting style: Be a good listener and encourage them to express their feelings. Make them comfortable and do not criticize them.
- Be assertive: Be decisive and confident in your own parenting style. Let the child know that you are the parent and guardian. Be firm in issues you need to tackle and learn to say ‘No’ – Do not let the children’s needs override yours
- Be Flexible in approach: Do not be rigid, over indulge. Give consistent guidelines.
Great kids misbehave too. It’s tougher to be a ‘child’ today. In 1991, over a million children ran away from home in US and more figures are alarming every year. Not wanted is both, physically and emotionally, a terrible experience. It’s parental concern to get the kids, they deserve. The family is a good barometer of what’s happening in terms of changing is surroundings of social, economic and political change. No family is exempt from the influence of such change, be it anywhere in the world and no doubt each will experience stress. Learn to cope with times and Stop Spanking – You are on the verge to up bring a violent child who may become destructive in time to come. Set off on a path to be a ‘Positive Role Model’ to your child.
Are you concerned with your Kids behavior patterns? Open up, Speak up!