Hands on Parenting – Power is with you
Life tread on a faster trail as moms today have tough parental responsibilities to up bring children. The 21st century tech savvy kids know all and get all to the extent that they have not learnt to listen to ‘NO.’
Parents are being too protective to the child and do things for them when they should be allowed to do on their own. She turns to be a ‘Helicopter Mom’ who over indulges in petty things and hovers over the children and their activities.
Being an Involved parent is to protect kids but ‘Over Indulging involvement’ being paranoid to allow children to let them attempt to be on their own, is dangerous. Fear grips fear and suspicion leads to guilt. All sorts of negativity surfaces in children when too much of indulgence adds up to their lives as they turn to Speaking lies, rebelling, gettingdestructive, out bursting and turn to a nasty brat sort of attitude. Involving, on the other hand is hands-on-parenting being fair, consistent and allowing freedom with guidance and nurturing the genius in a child.
It is important to instill a sense of Independence in children. Help them to be responsible. Resist to carry their school bags, do their homework for them, organize their room, carry their plates or feed them always what they want or get things when they ask without a ‘NO’ – pampering in limitless way. Over Indulgence and Over Attention are two things to keep a vigil check on, as a parent. Too much of over indulgence ends up to a disobedient, rigid or a self centered child whereas too much of over attentiveness causes a child to be unsure, insecure, indecisive, totally lacking in confidence.
This makes me mention on a study conducted by the Columbia University-based National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse looked specifically at the effect of “hands-on” versus “hands-off” parenting on tween and teen behavior. Not surprisingly, the study found that kids who live in highly structured households (hands-on parenting) were at significantly lower risk for substance abuse and other risk-taking behaviors than were children who lived in less structured homes (hands-off parenting). The behaviors examined included smoking cigarettes, substance use and abuse, and other risk-taking behaviors by the children as well as by their friends.
The research was held on youngsters ranging from 12 to 17 years. Three levels of parenting were discerned – Hands on Parenting, Hands off Parenting and Half Hearted. 27% kids reportedly lived on ‘Hands on household’, 55% on ‘half hearted’ parenting style homes and 18% described as ‘hands off’ parenting style. This particularly does not mean Indian homes are way back in Parenting style due to culture conflicts. The cultural shift is fast pacing up with indicators queries to identify parenting styles with homegrown kids more facing the brunt of ‘half hearted’ parenting and ‘hands off’ parenting styles.
Here are some Indicators used to know the Parenting Style: Identify whether it is ‘hands on’, ‘half hearted’ or ‘hands off’ – who could be the better judge than a parent!
- Parents monitor what the child is watching on Television
- Parents impose choice of music while listening or buying
- Parents are aware of the child’s school activities
- Parents monitor internet activities of the child
- Parents expect to be told truthfully where the child is going with friends
- Parents make a practice to have at least dinner together six days a week
- Parents make sure the television is switched off while dinner time
- When the child returns home, an adult is at home
- The child is taught to be organized and responsible for certain chores
- Parents make clear with choice of friends, habits and use four magic words ‘I can’t afford it’
How did you fare? Rate yourself. I have always been more caring, involved and observant parent. I passed in many categories but nevertheless, my ‘hands on’ parenting style did the magic for a responsible matured boy when he grew up. Hands on parenting averts the kid risk taking behavior. With new generation frustration, hands off parenting pace in way with half hearted parenting styles. With independent lifestyles after joint family break ups, working moms and other responsibilities, it is important to focus on parenting styles – preferably it has to be ‘hands on’ parenting.
It is here where parents need to build own confidence, know their own fears and anxiety and as teachers, need to know the strength and capacity of the child before expecting a lot from him. Hovering over a child is indeed making him less confident and even getting introvert. Nobody likes to be watched to told to do ‘this and that’ – Disciplining has its own way.
So, what to do? How do you help your child to be Independent and responsible? I tried my way and laid down the rules with hands on parenting and even while teaching children. Hands on parenting, a follow through consistently and participating in a child’s day to day routine. More, offer supportive approach, using involving tactics with indulgence when required need arose.
Here are some Kidsfreesouls tips to help be Hands-on-Parenting
1. Be a friend and keep the faith
2. Monitor their activities. Guide when necessary
3. Monitor their Television / Internet viewing and offer your choice
4. Provide assistance for learning but refrain from doing their homework
5. Never say, ‘My child is over-burdened’ – Instead, set time schedules. Most of the time, it happens, your unorganized time schedule clashes with the child’s routine.
6. Know their friends and show interest.
7. Learn to Say ‘No’ – the biggest mistake parent every makes is not saying ‘No’ – Explain why you say ‘No’ and be firm.
8. Encourage and inspire
9. Discipline with tact Parents and Teachers influence children. They are the ones who create Genius in a child. So, go ahead – enjoy influencing and try Hands-on-parenting – The power is within ‘YOU”
Dig your heels and do what is right. Your Child’s behavior, safety, success and accomplishment depends on care and nurture which reflects your concerns too.
(This article appears in my Book ‘Guardian of Angels’ (New local edition)