How to discipline kids and that is one thing we all need to work on when they are almost naughty or call them Brats! As parents need to have an insight on their own behavior, even as teachers, we need to know ‘How to Manage.’
A failing parent once came to me and asked, “How do I teach my children some good manners and discipline him?” She was completely frustrated and told me the difficulties she was having with her two sons, a 12 year old Bins and a 14 year old Deep. She had to continuously act a referee to determine who was right or wrong, who would use the ipod or who would watch which show on the television. I told her to exemplify the saying, “Do as I say’ – All she did was telling the children not to yell and lose their tempers. However, she did the same.
Discipline is about teaching children that there are consequences for not keeping within the boundaries of rules, not about being hurt. When children misbehave, a parent reacts on how she’s feeling at the moment. There has to be fair and appropriate consequences for inappropriate attitude.
Children are more in need of role models than critics. Illustrating a behavior you want them to embrace, they are more likely to emulate it. Children are going to follow examples. If you tell a child not to lie and you do by saying, “If that’s an Insurance Agent at the door, tell him, mom is not at home.” You need to check your actions. If you are smoking, quite before you want to tell them not to smoke. Do not adopt ‘Do as I say, not as I do.’
So, How do you Manage?
A simple exercise for the inner-self helps. Get focused on what you want as a parent and know the values you can instill to get back action.
1. Know yourself within. Ask yourself, what do I want my child to learn by my way to discipline them?
2. Find the answers to What you want the child to learn
3. Do you like your own way of guidance and your style of approach with children?
4. Ask, will I like this kind of approach for myself?
5. What are your child’s likes and dislikes.
6. Do they fare well under my guidance
7. Is my way of dealing worth the results. Are you getting positive results?
8. What are my values. Do I follow the rules?
There is a generation gap and so is an age factor to take into account. Children are not born experienced nor they see any problems in their actions. A parent needs constructive ways of changing behavior with tactful explanations on ‘What to do, how to do’ and check on own temperament values. If you call a child ‘lazy’ because he does not make his bed, he will have an unhealthy self image to tarnish himself. If the parent herself do not have the tolerance, the child will lose his self esteem.
All actions have consequences and children need to know this specifically. Hence, teach children the basic principles of living :
1. Decide yourself what values you wish the child to follow.
2. Teach children what you want them to do and how to go about it. If you want your child to be courteous to a visitor, teach him to greet the guest and how to be mannerful. Teach him simple words of ‘please, thank you and sorry’ and actually mean it.
3. Praise the child’s behavior and not be boastful about his certain actions. Nor, be sarcastic too.
4. Stop telling again and again. Instead, sort for a reminder signal.
5. Avoid being Bossy. Do not dig the past of bad behavior of the child. Focus on future improvement. Reminding of what he did, makes him feel more hurt and hurts self esteem.
Great kids misbehave too. Punishing children is not the way of discipline. In face, discuss the consequences and let the child know the causes and effect of punishment before doing so. They need to be more responsible for their actions. A continuity of guidance need to be there as Kids need constant follow up. When children learn to be responsible, they build their self esteem because it gives them control over their self. They don’t have to be guilty and they know, in spite of their misbehavior, you still love them.
Kids need a secure, comfortable and loving homely atmosphere. Do not make them insecure. Apply tact and build your own self esteem. Do not vent own frustrations to pass on to them. This will only makes things worse for both. Nurture the kids with commandments of parenting in a caring way.