KIDS – Nurturing Relationships
“Commandments of Parenting”
Promote physical, spiritual, intellectual & emotional well being to children….
“A child will make love stronger days shorter, nights longer, homes happier, clothes shabbier, past forgotten and future worth living”
As put in the words of a spiritual leader ” The aim of education is to help the child to develop his intellectual, aesthetic, emotional, moral and spiritual being.” Childhood years are vital to our total existence. Overloading the child with too much memory oriented learning and formal writing can cripple a child’s sense of wonder. There should be creativity, a ‘Free Progress’ – each child developing and flowering in an absolutely spontaneous, inwardly centered and self directed process. A school makes a break through if it creates a learning environment but it is a parent to make an active choice for kids and to nurture their talents. It is in their hands to recognize their potentialities and offer them an Alternative Education, a commitment, hard work, responsibility, learning the basic skills of reading and writing at own pace with creativity and open minds in open surroundings in tune to environment, blooming naturally!
Ask a child of his dire needs and prompt would be the reply ‘A really fast computer, good games, fun and frolics’ Parents surrender to their needs with thoughts that times have changed! They find a concerned issue that the children were “rude,” “irresponsible,” “disorganized,” “wild,” and spoiled. They fail to instill discipline in spite of their best upbringing. What’s wrong? Really speaking, children need love. Love nurturing the relationships. They need the physical protection and discipline with appropriate experience for their individual development. They need the community support with the cultural experiences and faith. They need to build a better and protective future. These are the factors that the parents too need for their own development in today’s time! Do the kids get particular kind of teaching it needs to learn in school? Do they get relaxed time with parents, communicate with them or watch TV, video or games on their own? How far are the limits set for them? Are they socially sound? How good they eat or keep the faith? These and many questions raise an eyebrow and one finds that many times, parents lack in their upbringing unknowingly.
Parents need the feel to be the kids’ friends but the fact remains, a child needs a leader and not a buddy. Parents instill the faith in them and raise confident, responsible and well-behaved kids with their practical understanding. It is here that a parent needs to set limits and make the rules. Breaking rules is the game of the kids with their innocence but it is the parent who needs to be less a friend and more a mentor when it comes to upbringing disciplined and well-behaved kids. Being firm is a quality to be developed when it comes to discipline. “I don’t like your behavior” and ignore the kid when it needs this kind of treat but when he calms down, play or talk cool with the child.
Many Parents do all the chores of their kids making them rely on them. Instead of handling the easy jobs for them, encourage the kids to do their own jobs. Parents sometimes are permissive and then suddenly clamp down when they are under stress or tired and often slip into domination. This results into the child psychology with outrage and confusion that “Why do my Dad or Mom behave like this with me?” A consistent authority with explanation is better rather than negotiating or arguing with the kid. Let the kids say “I will finish my lessons or organize my room first and than you can take me for an ice cream treat” The kids have multiple demands but all of them are not required to be fulfilled. It is always rather good to spend time with the kids. Love, care and understanding come with closeness.
Each child is a complicated collection of traits to which the parents respond. Kids are prone to variety of traits and parents, out of their unreasonable sacrifices, respond to it. Sometimes, these traits are either appealing to a parent, neutral in effect and some traits are irritating and irrational. Each parent respond to traits with a complex collection of responses to the characteristics of his child. The perception depends on moods too. Parents are apt to be upset by their kids disapproved characteristics and their goal is then, to somehow be able to even out their own feelings, think fondly about their child, give love and attention, be patient and their philosophy lies the strong influence on their parenting style. Maybe they are bring up the children the way, they were raised. However, it is important to shape Parent’s own values and ideas and the decisions governing their own actions. Actions always speak louder as children learn what they live and live out what they learn! A simple message I read on a school poster is what children learn from parenting.
- The child who lives with criticism learns to condemn
- The child who lives with hostility learns to fight
- The child who lives with ridicule learns to be shy
- The child who lives with shame learns to feel guilty
- The child who lives with tolerance learns to be patient
- The child who lives with encouragement learns confidence
- The child who lives with praise learns to appreciate
- The child who lives with fairness learns justice
- The child who lives with security learns to have faith
- The child who lives with approval learns to like himself
- The child who lives with acceptance and friendship learns to find love in the world.
Many Parents may love their kids but keep busy with their own activities. Quality time has been oversold and kids always long to communicate with their loved ones. Another Commandment for better parenting is now, to get carried away with ‘self esteem’. Genuine achievements need to be praised but if a child cannot read and understand a storybook and yet get 90% marks in the English lesson examination shouldn’t be made to feel worthless but neither should be treated like a genius. In real sense, he needs to develop the reading habits instead of being a mugging champion to score the marks. This is where most of the kids feel they excel and parents feel proud – the major negligence is overlooked. It is the need of the hour for the parent as well as the child to be savvy in mastering the skills of language and computing with the technological advancement.
Conscientious parents offer kids a fairly organized schedule for the day, stringing together school, after school activities and a balanced network of family, friends and neighbors. Establishing and nurturing relationships with close family bonds are a part of upbringing better kids. Children observe and digest what they see and they learn. So, watch out! Next time if a kid is wild with tantrums or has demands or expectations and disobedient, he sure needs ‘Vitamin N’ so as not to let him be a ‘spoilt brat’ – Children need nurturing the right way with ‘Commandments of Parenting.’
image courtesy: Earth Talk column